When the Rain Stops
by knee-high-socks-and-doctor-who
Summary: Ichigo Kurosaki is the new kid in town. It's hard, and he feels like a bit of an outcast. But there's one blue-haired bully that just keeps coming back, and Ichigo doesn't know whether he loves it, or hates it. AU/GrimmIchi.
1. Somewhere I Belong

I should be finishing other stories instead of doing this...

Gah, whatever. This is probably going to be one of those "take it slow" stories. Like, Grimmjow and Ichigo totally hate each other in the beginning. So don't expect them kissing or anything in the first few chapters...

Oh right, warnings...

**Warnings: **There is yaoi, if you do not like, do not read **or comment.** Thank you. The main pairing in this story is GrimmIchi, but I will feature others as well. And if you don't agree with these other pairings, then you can hit the road Jack, or get over it. I may bump the rating up, I'm considering it... There's bad, bad language, courtesy of Grimmjow.

I guess that's about it. Well, please enjoy!

* * *

It was turning out to be one of _those _days again.

_Late._ I was going to be late on my first of day of school. At a _new _school. Of course, my idiot father decided to move us from our comfortable home at the clinic in the small town we'd grown up in before our mother died, to the giant big city of Rukongai. Trust me, I don't know why he did it either. Everything here is bigger, the schools, the buildings, _people_. It's different than Karakura Town, and I could tell even before we'd been there for a week.

I leapt out of bed, stumbling over a few unpacked boxes that lay scattered around my floor. I nearly slipped on the stuffed lion plushy that had somehow fallen out of one of the boxes, stupid thing I was obsessed with as a child. I kicked a few of the boxes around, frantically searching for one with clothes labeled on it. With my luck, I had forgotten to label it and now I would be late.

I managed to find it without too much of a hassle. It was stowed away in the corner in a large pile, flipped upside down. Karin must've haphazardly thrown it in its place.

"Hey!"

I jumped, throwing my clothes up in the air. Standing in the open doorway of my closet was _Shiro_, my stupid twin brother. The albino blinked his inverted gold eyes, a puzzled look protruding at his features.

"What were you doing in my closet?" I asked, ruffling a hand through my orange hair. "You're going to make me late!"

He scoffed. "It's just school, why do you care?"

I kicked him in the shins. "I don't want to embarrass myself. And I doubt you do either."

He snorted and followed me out into the hallway, which was littered with boxes as well. I waded through the mess and made it to the bathroom, changed, and brushed my teeth in ten minutes. I could already hear Yuzu yelling from downstairs that we were going to be late.

I grabbed my book bag from where it hung off the back of one of the dining room chairs, bolting for the door. I heard Yuzu yell something after me, but dismissed it as I caught up to Shiro who was almost halfway down the block already.

"Don't walk so fast!" I smacked him on the back. "Do you even know where the school is you moron? I doubt you do."

"Of course I do!" he whined, gesturing wildly with his hands. "Tensa told me a while back, when we'd just found out we were moving here." He scratched at the back of his head. "Well, I think so…"

"Whatever, I know where we're going."

The walk wasn't all that long, considering the school was only a few blocks away. I had been right about Shiro not knowing where it was, because honestly the kid hardly knows left from right. Cars had filled up the lot of the school, and a bunch of other teens mingled outside on the steps or next to their cars. Anxiety already gnawed at my stomach, and I just tried to avoid eye contact with anyone. We were anomalies already. I could feel it. Two boys, one with bright orange hair and the other completely white with unnerving gold on black eyes. The bullies loved to pick on kids like us.

I had been staring at the ground for so long I hardly noticed who was in front of me, and in two seconds I had already crashed right into them. I stumbled back a few steps and opened my mouth to apologize, but decided to snap it shut at the sight of the offender.

He was tall, with long dark hair and a mint green scarf. He looked more like a professor, but by the way he dressed I could still tell he was a student, most likely a senior. He had this look on his face, as if he thought he was better than everyone there, and he stared me down with cold calculating eyes.

"S-sorry," I stuttered, a tremor striking through my words.

He just gave a low "hmph" before shouldering right past me. A few kids on the steps snickered, and I just cast a scowl in their direction, taking off again after Shiro with my head down.

"What was that about?" he asked with a sly smile on his lips.

"Nothing," I ground out through my teeth. "Whatever, let's go." I tugged him by the arm in the other direction, guiding him up the steps of the school and in through the doors.

I could tell right off the bat that this was going to be one of those schools where you didn't know everyone in your grade, let alone everyone in your school. But everyone seemed to know each other, comfortable and happy. They had been here long enough to know how the system worked, and being a new sophomore at the school wasn't going to help us at all. At our age, we were expected to know everything, at least if you'd been there from the start. So being new wasn't going to give you any sort of advantage.

I didn't really know what to do, so Shiro decided to take the lead and he dragged me over to the lunchroom where people were sitting and talking before the bell rang. We plopped down in a few seats at a table in the corner, sharing headphone as he played with my hair. One might think that we didn't get along that entirely well, but that was only really when we were younger. We had a better understanding of each other now, even though we could be annoying like siblings were to each other now and then. Shiro usually only does that around people though, alone together it's different.

"If you're going to braid my hair, at least do a good job," I muttered. "Last time it was in knots."

"You should cut it," he responded quietly. "When it's all shaggy like this you look like some emo kid or somethin'."

I snorted. "Right. And you know everything about _that_, don't you?"

Hands slammed down onto our table and the two of us jumped.

"Hi!" a short girl with bright eyes and dark hair was standing in front of us, smiling like some crazy person. "I've never seen you two before. My name's Rukia! You?"

"Shiro."

"Ichigo."

"Well, nice to meet you—OW!" she swatted the hand away of a taller male with crazy red hair and black tattoos all along his neck. He had just whacked her on the back of the head. "Renji!"

"What?" he sounded irritated. "You were starting to get annoying. Sometimes you're just too cheerful."

"I'm never cheerful," she muttered glumly.

Shiro was snickering under his breath. "So, are you two dating or something?"

They both turned bright red.

"No!"

"Ew, why would you think that!"

They were talking over each other, a new shouting war arising.

"HEY!"

They stopped, turning to look at Ichigo. He frowned, and they both adjusted themselves, tossing a glare in the other's general direction.

"So you're single?" Shiro smiled. "Looking for anybody? Because honestly you are one fine—"

"SHIRO!"

"What?"

Rukia scratched at her head. "Well no, not really…"

"What?" Shiro stood up. "How? Please don't tell me you're a lesbian, because honestly I am desperate, and you are one hell of a girl. Even if you _are _a little flat chested, that's all good—"

_THWACK!_

"OW! What was that?"

Rukia looked puzzled, as if not quite understanding what was going on.

"Sorry, my brother's just a bit immature," I whacked him on the head again just for good measure.

Renji looked a bit dumbfounded, and I was about to apologize to him as well, but the bell rang before I could say anything. Rukia grabbed me by my arm and soon I was being dragged through the mob of people. Shiro was lost in the crowd along with Renji. I didn't know where I was going, but we both ended up in some hallway and she told me this was where the majority of my classes would take place.

"Wait, how did you know I was a sophomore?"

"I had a hunch," she winked and punched me in the arm. "I'll see you later Ichigo!" she waved at me as she bounded over to her locker on the other side and down a ways.

I dug around in my book bag and found the piece of paper that had my locker number scrawled onto it with my combo. I found it quickly and set to work, opening it up and dumping my bag and books in as well.

Something hard hit me in the back, and I banged my head on the upper shelf of the locker, clutching it in pain as I turned to look at who had shoved me. I almost expected to see Shiro standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face, but was instead met with a monster of a teenager.

He was way taller than me with bright blue hair, and I have to admit he was pretty muscular. _Not _that I would care or anything… But he was scary, that's what mattered. He was scowling down at me like I had just shot his dog or something, and I very badly just wanted to crawl inside my locker and lock myself in there for the rest of the day.

If only…

"Hey kid, get out of my way." He snarled.

"I'm not in your way," I snapped back. _Bad move, Ichigo, bad move…_

"Oh really? You're just a newbie, do you even know who the hell I am?"

"Afraid not."

He slammed his hand down on the locker beside my head, cornering me. "Well, I'm gonna tell ya'. I'm Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, and _don't fuck with me_. You got that, kid?"

"I'm not a kid." I was digging myself into a deeper, and deeper hole…

He grabbed me by my hair. "What about this? This some stupid statement, think you're better than me?"

"It's natural," I muttered.

"So is mine," he hissed. And with that _lovely _parting note, he slammed my head back into my locker, shut the one next to mine, and walked off…

_Shit, his locker's right next to mine…_

* * *

"—and that's Yumichika over there. Next to him is Ikkaku, and then there's Toshiro and Momo and Rangiku…"

After a hellish morning, I was so ready for a delicious homemade lunch made by Yuzu, but I almost started crying as I realized I had forgotten it.

_So that's what she had yelled after me…_

"Are you listening Ichigo?"

"Oh, yeah," I said halfheartedly, my stomach grumbling on cue.

"You forgot your lunch, didn't you?" Rukia cocked her head sideways like a bird. "I can always get you one off my account if you like. I don't mind." She was awfully generous, and I was about to ask how she got the money to pay for two lunches when she answered my question.

"My family has a bit of money," she wasn't bragging at all, she actually almost sounded a bit resentful. "I really don't care Ichigo. You shouldn't have to starve."

_Great, I'm a charity case…_

Shiro plopped down beside me, waving his lunch in my face. "What? Did someone forget their lunch?"

I whacked him on the arm.

"I can go get one for you," Rukia said again, insistent this time. "You look starved, please?" her eyes were as big as saucers, pleading.

"Fine," I muttered, and she squealed happily before skipping off to the lunch line.

"What happened to _you_?" Shiro asked around his sandwich. "You look totally depressed. Who crapped in your corn flakes this morning?"

"Grimmjow Jaegerjaques," I muttered, eyes fluttering over to where he sat at a larger table with a group of friends. There was a really tall one with dark hair that was extremely loud, a guy with pink hair, a guy with dark hair and big green eyes and a serious poker face, and some blond busty chick that looked irritated.

"What? You already got a group of harassers?" he was sincere this time. "I don't know. Everyone I looked at just turned away from me or looked like they were going to shit their pants. It was hilarious!" he took a sip of his apple juice. "In my opinion, I think it's better that they're scared of me instead of trying to beat me up. Do I come across as tough to you?"

I didn't answer the question, focused on what was happening over in the lunch line with Rukia. She was arguing over something with that same guy I'd ran into in the parking lot that morning. She finally just gave up, taking her tray full of food over to our table.

"What was that about?" I asked as she divvied up the food. She handed me an apple.

"That's just my brother, Byakuya."

"He's your _brother_?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I ran into him today in the parking lot, looked real pissed if you ask me. You guys are nothing alike." I took a bite out of my apple; turning the sandwich she'd given me over in my hands. It still just wasn't the same as one of Yuzu's sandwiches…

Renji sat down next Rukia, looking irritated as hell. "What? What happened now?" Rukia asked, as if she already knew.

"Nothing," he stared at the table. "Just…whatever. It's Shuuhei."

"What? Did he kick you out of bed or something?"

I nearly choked on my milk.

"Oh, Ichigo, I forgot to tell you. Renji's bisexual." Rukia said cheerfully. "You don't have a problem with that, right?"

"No, not at all," I said, cleaning up the mess of chocolate milk I'd sprayed with a napkin. "It was just…a bit surprising."

"He's still coming to terms with his own sexuality," Shiro snickered quietly.

"HEY!" I started hitting him and he just laughed it off, blocking me with one arm as he tried to continue eating his sandwich.

"You two really _are _siblings," Rukia laughed. "It's quite funny."

I relented, turning back to my own lunch. "Yeah, whatever…"

* * *

"Remember when we used to go outside and sit in the tree house in the backyard during the summer, and just camp out there for days?"

I shrugged, kicking a piece of gravel. "The only times I remembered it was when Tensa was with us." I looked up at the sky, squinting against the sun. "We'd look at the stars and tell ghost stories and play card games until we passed out, or until dad said it was too cold outside and he'd make us come in."

Shiro chuckled, balancing himself on the curb. "Those were good days."

"Not as stupidly complicated as high school or teenage years. Gah, it's ridiculous how complicated everything is."

We were silent for a while after that, until we made it to the house. There was a car parked on the street, and I didn't recognize it for a second until I was tackled into the grass of our front lawn.

I started laughing, and then Shiro shouted "dog pile!" like when we were kids and landed on top of the two of us.

"Tensa! You're here."


	2. The Truth

Sorry this chapter's so short, I was kind of rushing to get it done. But, oh well. By the way, this is going to get pretty angsty pretty soon. So warning to all of you!

* * *

When Shiro, Tensa, and I were younger we would hang out in the tree house that dad had built us in the backyard. As we hit our teenager years, we started to migrate more towards our room, and eventually ended up just hanging out at the park or at McDonalds or something. But now, we had a big new house, and Shiro and I both had our own rooms.

The three of us talked for a long time in the front lawn, pulling grass from the dirt and staring up at the orange, setting sky. It felt nice to catch up, since we hadn't been able to see each other much with the move and everything.

Tensa was our cousin, and he lived with uncle Zan across town. He went to private school, and he never went without. They're from mom's side, which you'd think was odd since she was dead now. But we were all so close it didn't matter that she wasn't here with us anymore. It just made us all the more closer.

All three of us went silent, now just staring up at the stars as we lay in the grass. I was surprised dad hadn't come out and told us we had to come in, or that dinner was ready or something. Maybe he thought we needed this time alone together.

There was a shout from Zan at the doorway, jingling keys.

"I gotta go," Tensa suddenly said, leaping to his feet as he brushed grass from his jeans. "I'll see you guys sometime."

"Bye!" I waved from my spot on the lawn as they climbed into the car and drove off.

Shiro and I stayed quiet for a bit after that.

"I'm hungry," the albino finally admitted. "I'm going inside."

I followed him back into the house, the smell of homemade meatloaf coming from the kitchen. I followed my nose, and finally came in to see Yuzu just pulling it out of the oven, smiling at us as we practically drooled over the counter.

"I have to let it cool first," she said. "Don't touch it, it's really hot." Yuzu left the room, still eyeing us as she went upstairs.

"I wonder why they didn't stay for dinner," I commented, leaning in the threshold of the kitchen as Shiro went and dug around in the fridge.

"Probably didn't want to stress us out with houseguests just after the move." He shut the door loudly, opening the freezer instead.

"You're going to spoil your appetite." Yuzu piped up from behind me, wedging her way through. "Don't eat anything."

"You're just like mom," Shiro griped. "Always telling us not to spoil our dinner or something. Do you even know how much a teenage boy can eat?"

"Probably not," said Karin, wedging her way past me as well. "I bet you two could eat that whole meatloaf between yourselves."

We all laughed, finally feeling like a family again after a really long time.

* * *

The door to my bedroom cracked open, revealing Shiro standing there in his boxers and a tank top. He looked tired, maybe even worried.

At the old house we used to share a room. We'd talk for hours maybe after we were supposed to go to bed, and eventually we'd fall asleep. When we were younger we'd even sometimes grab a blanket and a pillow or two and camp out in the backyard, staring up at the sky until we fell asleep.

I sat up, running a hand through my hair.

"What's up, Shi?"

He came in the rest of the way and shut the door behind him. I could tell he couldn't sleep, because the shadows under his restless eyes were a dead giveaway.

He crawled in bed with me, and I pulled the covers over us. He curled up closer to me and rested his head on my bare shoulder, listening to my heartbeat. My hands found their way to his hair, lazily running fingers through the silky white strands before finally just settling with my hand tangled in the tresses.

"I couldn't sleep," Shiro murmured. "It was so…quiet."

I felt him place a kiss on my neck, sweet and tender. When he was tired like this, he often missed my cheek or my face in general, and just settled with the neck. But tonight it felt like he'd actually purposefully put it there.

He placed another one further down, near my collarbone. His breath was warm and steady, and _familiar_. From an outsider's perspective, we seemed to close to be brothers. Maybe it was even incestuous. But we weren't. We knew our boundaries. We knew everything about one another, like the back of our hand. The two of us were practically the same _being_.

I gasped as he nipped at the hollow of my throat. "Knock it off, Shi. I want to sleep."

He settled back down, sighing as he tangled our legs together and wound a hand through my hair. "It's hard to sleep without you."

I could feel what he was hinting at.

"Oh really now?"

"I don't want you to be lonely anymore," he whispered. "I'm here if you need me, Ichi. You know that, right?"

I didn't respond, and decided to just roll over and go to sleep.

* * *

"SHIRO!"

My voice was hoarse from screaming, and I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I just knew that I had to _stop _the bleeding. But it wouldn't, and my eyesight was blurring with tears like an impressionist painting. I choked on a sob again, feeling my heart clench with worry.

Hands grabbed at my forearms, shaking and slipping in the blood that was there, made from the shallow wounds. His voice was shaking and he sounded like he was going to cry too. I didn't know what to do, and I don't think he did either.

"_Save me_," I whispered. "I can't do it."

* * *

My eyes flew open with a start, heart pounding like crazy.

The first thing I felt was warmth, and I knew that was Shiro curled up against me like a cat. He was breathing steadily, sound asleep. I honestly didn't know what to do. I felt like I was going to explode.

I disentangled myself from him and left the room, stumbling in the dark, as I tried not the trip over any boxes as I made it to the bathroom. There, I splashed cold water on my face and tried to calm down. I wasn't going to sleep if it felt like I'd just run a marathon.

"You okay?"

It was Shiro, standing like a ghost in the dark hallway. His eyes were laced with concern, as if he knew. He most likely did though. That wasn't a surprise.

He hugged me. I hadn't expected that the least bit. It was sideways, and he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"You look tired," he said. "You should get back to bed."

"Yeah," I said quietly, kissing him on the cheek. "So should you."

* * *

Reviews. I love them. They're greatly appreciated.


	3. Undisclosed Desires

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THERE IS SOME ANGST HERE!

Sorry, I feel like being dramatic today.

Well, this is where the angst starts. It gets worse in the next chapter, so BEWARE. To all of you fellow readers out there, I'm feeling a bit ashamed of updating so quickly. I suppose I'm just worried I'll quit writing it if  
I don't get the chapters written and out in time. I do that a lot :/

(Note: When Ichigo makes the comment about "defusing" him, that's a joke between my mother and I. She was at a bar once and some guy got mad at her for something stupid, and she tried talking him out of it, and then he suddenly said "You totally defused me man. I was getting really angry there for a second.)

Anyways, majorly long author's note is over now. Ignore my babble.

* * *

I fell, landing flat on my face in the hallway as the crowd of bullies laughed at me.

A hand grabbed the back of my shirt and lifted me up to face them. Grimmjow had a sneer on his face, chuckling under his breath. His buddy Nnoitra was standing beside him. He was an odd fellow; tall and lanky with dark hair pulled back into a ponytail and a white bandanna over one eye. There was another kid too who looked bored. I think his name was Ulquiorra.

"What's wrong kid? Something up, _strawberry_?"

I flailed around a bit as they laughed at me. It was no use. He was too strong. The bell was probably going to ring any minute now, and then I would be tardy _and _humiliated. This day was just going from bad to worse.

"Hey!"

The short bark had definitely come from my brother. The albino pushed his way through to me, giving his sharpest glare possible. My offenders only scoffed though without another word, and decided to throw me at the wall before strutting away.

I rubbed at my head as Shiro helped me up off the floor.

"You alright?"

I swallowed back the lump in my throat. "Yeah," I whispered. "I'm fine."

He hugged me again the second time that day. It was a surprise, and I almost didn't even catch it as he took off mere seconds later. I didn't have enough time to say anything, and just settled on taking my time to get to class. My next class was biology, and that so happened to be the one and only class I shared with Grimmjow.

I took my seat quietly, accepting the fact that Grimmjow was snickering two seats away from me. I kept my head down and pretended to not notice the stares, only half hearing what the teacher was saying.

But my head snapped up when I heard her say something about partners. All I knew was that there was a project that involved a representational model, and partners picked by the teacher.

She had already started calling off the names and pairing them up. I prayed. I prayed silently in my head that she wouldn't make me be with Grimmjow. _I'd rather die than get stuck with him._

"Ichigo Kurosaki, you'll be partnered with Grimmjow."

My heart fell into my feet, and I decided to just pull my hood up.

* * *

"Are you alright Ichigo?"

"Yeah," I muttered, picking at my lunch. I wasn't all that hungry. "Why?"

Rukia looked sincerely concerned. "You're not okay, Kurosaki. Now tell me, what happened today that's got you so depressed?"

"Grimmjow." I sighed. "I got partnered with Grimmjow for some stupid project." Renji sat down beside her, looking as irritated as he always did. Shiro took his seat next to me and began unpacking his lunch.

"Well," Rukia started. "How about this? There's a football game after school today, you can come with us if you want. It'll be fun, I promise. Plus Grimmjow can't harass you cause he's on the team and he'll be playing. Yumi and Ikkaku are coming too."

"Toshiro told me him and Momo might come too," Renji piped in. "There'll be a whole group of us, we won't let anyone touch you."

I finally decided to just put my lunch away. "I guess."

"Your brother can come too."

Renji snorted. "Since when are they _not _together?"

Shiro bumped shoulders with me and I smiled. "I suppose. I'll tell my dad. When is it?"

"4:00."

* * *

Four hours later, I was sitting on the bleachers surrounded by people who wanted to be my friends.

It was different. I wasn't used to people wanting to be my friends. I had already had a tight circle back home: Chad, Uryu, Orihime, Tatsuki, Keigo, and Mizuiro.

When Shiro and I had arrived, we'd gotten a few pats on the back and even a hug from Momo. She was a sweet girl, and her and Toshiro made a cute couple if you ask me. Shuuhei and Renji were still fighting, so only Renji was there. Yumichika was fussing over Ikkaku as the baldy just tried to swat him away. Rukia was yelling at me like a mother for not bringing a sweatshirt just in case it got cold.

It felt like home.

"So," I started. "What's Grimmjow's story?"

Rukia sighed; staring out at the field as if looking me in the eyes was going to make it worse. "His parents died when he was really young. Now he lives with some rich uncle in town. And trust me, he isn't the nicest of guys. He's moved a lot, not necessarily out of town, but it's still hard for him to adjust to a new area. He was a real nice kid when he was younger, but when he hit eighth grade everything just sort of went downhill from there. He got new friends, starting smoking, got arrested. He's bad news, Ichigo."

"And how do you know all this?"

The petite brunette scoffed. "We've all pretty much known each other since kindergarten."

People cheered. I had never really watched football much, but from what I gathered someone had made a touchdown. Rukia was staring off into space, and I didn't know what else to say. All I knew was that Grimmjow was still a big dick and I was going to have to work together with him on some stupid project. Fuck. My. Life. With a capital F.

When the game was over Shiro and I decided to walk home. The other were going to go to Perkins or something, so we bid or goodbyes and set off towards our house.

"Wait!" Shiro exclaimed. "Shit, I forgot my sweatshirt back in the stands. Could you go get it?"

"Yeah, sure."

I bounded back about half a block and ran up the stands to find his gray hoodie sitting on one of the benches. I grabbed it, and was just about to head back down when I felt someone push me from behind.

I fell all the way down the bleachers and into the field.

It ached everywhere, and I had an inkling of who did it. I heard laughter and footsteps come down the stairs to follow me, and a rough hand seized the back of my shirt to pull me up off the ground.

Grimmjow laughed when he saw my face. "Looks like I really roughed you up Strawberry. What's wrong? Can't fight back?"

I should be. This wasn't me. I fought, and I fought hard. I wasn't one to give up or back out in a fight. Every fiber of my very being screamed for me to land a punch or kick or do _something_.

But I didn't.

I choked on tears in the back of my throat. If I cried I was sure to get a tougher beating from him. Could I run? Would Shiro notice how long it was taking me to get back to him? Would he come back for me?

_No. _He didn't need to save me every time. He had already saved me so many times before. I didn't need him this time.

_It was my fault_.

I kept my head down, trying to obscure the tears. But it failed.

I waited for him to sneer another comment at me, or kick me. But instead his grip loosened. Grimmjow slowly lowered me onto the grass, and I just squeezed my eyes shut. I should fight back. I should've fought back with everything I had.

But he was retreating now. His footsteps were slow and steady in the grass and I heard thunder rumble overhead in the overcast sky. What had I done to defuse him? Why had he walked away on me?

"Ichigo! Ichigo where are you—?"

I opened my eyes to see Shiro come running over to me. His eyes were wild with alarm and I realized I was bleeding. _From where?_ I tentatively touched my nose, and it came away red.

"What the hell happened?" he helped me stand up and I handed him his sweatshirt.

I paused, thinking of what I could say.

"Nothing. I just tripped and fell down the steps."

* * *

"Oh, Ichigo how did this happen?"

I winced as Yuzu pressed a pack of ice to my forehead. My head was pounding, and I was pressing a wet washcloth to my nose as it bled.

"I told you, I fell down the bleachers."

"You should be more careful, Ichi." Her worried brown eyes made me feel even guiltier for lying about what happened. "I worry about you sometimes."

I abruptly stood from my chair, passing Shiro on the way out of the kitchen. He was silent and as still as a statue, but he looked more like a ghost. He had been completely quiet since we'd gotten home, and I had an on odd feeling he knew what had really happened.

"I'm going to bed," I said quietly. "Don't bother me."

Karin watched from her bedroom door as I casually slipped my razor blade into my pocket.

* * *

I woke up screaming that night.

Shiro was the first to come find me, calming me down with soothing touches on my back. Dad had stopped by, telling Karin to go back to bed as he stood in the doorway to my bedroom. He looked way too serious to be my father, but I could almost tell through my terror that he knew something. Something I hadn't meant to let slip.

"Ichi, calm down," Shiro whispered into my ear. "Take deep breaths. It's going to be okay."

My mind was ultimately numb, and I had a feeling my eyes were foggy and glazed over.

"Dad, could you leave?" Shiro asked, tension pulling his voice taut. "He's going to be okay."

He left without another word.

"Ichigo, it's fine."

I was still breathing erratically, and my fingers were clutching the sheets with everything I had in me. I just couldn't shake the images no matter how hard I tried. The pain in my jaw and the side of my head wasn't helping either, and it felt like I had just gotten out of the hospital after the accident. It felt like that day a year and a half ago.

"Ichigo, _stop thinking about it_," Shiro hissed. "It's not going to help."

My life was spiraling down the drain, ever so slowly…

* * *

Reviews are loved. Thank you.


	4. Between Two Points

I feel bad cause there's so much angst in this chapter. It's a bit depressing, and if you don't like extremely dark things, just skip this chapter. I started writing this last night, and had to go over it again because my writing is a bit odd at midnight.

Anyways, enjoy.

* * *

My nightmares were more vivid that night than any other.

But they weren't nightmares. They were memories.

_It was my entire fault_.

"You're drunk aren't you? _Aren't you?_"

I buried my face in my pillow, muffling the shouts that came from downstairs. Shiro and dad were fighting, again. It was because of me. Shiro drank, because he didn't know how to help me. Dad went to work more, because he couldn't deal with his kids. Karin stayed at friend's houses, because she didn't like it here. Yuzu slept in the tree house, because she hated the shouting.

And I _cut, _because I couldn't deal with the guilt.

The razor blade sat on the dresser, glinting in the light of the moon filtering in through my half open window. They shouted, they screamed, they broke things. And in the end, Shiro would come up to our room and cry. He would cry, about nothing in particular and pass out just before dawn.

He was so plastered he never noticed the razor blade in my hand.

And the _blood _running down my arms.

We were no longer a family anymore. Just roommates. We weren't even roommates that got along well either. I faded away into the wallpaper, Shiro broke things, and dad just turned his head the other way.

Then one day, I decided to do it.

* * *

"ICHI! ICHIGO!"

Hands grasped at my body, holding me steady as I fell and slipped again in the hall. Blood stained my shirt and jeans, covering my arms as if they'd been dipped in red paint. I was fading fast and my brother knew it. Dad was gone as usual. The twins were as well.

If he hadn't decided to leave the party early, I'd be dead right now.

They put me on meds, kept me on suicide watch for a week. I was so hollow I couldn't even dress myself. Dad went through my things, and took the one razor blade I kept and threw it away. He asked Shiro to keep a good watch on me. But all this didn't change much, because dad still stayed at work longer than he should. Shiro quit drinking altogether, and that's when he found the habit of sleeping in bed with me.

We were no longer siblings anymore. We didn't bicker; we didn't fight over trivial things. He kept by my side, and I kept by his. If I stopped cutting and took my meds he wouldn't go to parties or drink anymore. We would stay in each other's company and comfort one another, when dad wasn't there.

I think he still feels guilty for when he abandoned us.

* * *

I was standing in the shower, crying.

Water poured down on my still clothed body, soaking me to bone. I didn't care anymore. I couldn't hold up my part of the deal, it hurt too much. Even with his support, I still felt isolated on that island called guilt where the only resident was myself. I don't even think he knew about the guilt that still weighed heavy on my heart.

"Ichigo?"

His voice was quiet, gentle. It came from the doorway of the bathroom, and I didn't even bother to lift my heavy head to see him come over to the side of the shower.

He opened the door, staring at my soaking wet body still fully clothed under the hot spray of water. He choked on something back in his throat, and before I knew it he was climbing in with me.

"Let's get you clean," if he was crying, I couldn't tell. The tears had probably already washed away by now. He lifted my sopping wet shirt over my head, and then next shimmied off my jeans. I got rid of my socks, and he left me in my boxers. He was still in his clothing as well, now completely wet.

He ran calm shampoo covered hands into my hair, running the fingertips over the scalp. I groaned at the contact and rested my head on his chest as he washed me. Calm words resembling "rinse" slipped past his lips and I leaned back to let the spray of water wash out the shampoo.

I shuddered impulsively as I felt his lips press softly to my neck. It didn't feel…wrong though. It felt okay. It felt right. Like this was normal.

I needed to be warm. I needed to be very warm.

I slipped my arms up and around to grip his shoulders from behind as I buried my face in the crook of his neck.

"Love you," I muttered.

"Love you too," he whispered, kissing my hair. "Please don't tell me you've been cutting again."

"Not yet."

His grip on me tightened. "Don't ever do that to me again. I almost died with you, Ichigo."

I didn't say anything.

"_It wasn't your fault._"

I wanted to hit something.

"Don't destroy things like I do. It doesn't help as much as you'd think it does." He buried his nose in my hair. "Yuzu won't even sleep in the house anymore." his voice was barely audible. "Karin's afraid of me."

"Sometimes I just want to die," I hissed, my hands searching for purchase on his smooth back. "I've already killed someone, I don't need someone else to die for me."

Shiro's grip tightened on me even more. "_Don't ever say that again._"

I did something I never thought I'd do in my entire life.

I leaned up, tentatively placing my lips against his. It was soft, a barely there kiss that still managed to reach him. He leaned forward and pressed down firmer, lips still shut tight as both of our eyes slipped shut. A tongue poked out, and I accepted it. Heat flooded through my body, something I hadn't felt for a very long time. Languid and warm, we kissed under the now cooling spray of water. My arms wound their way around his neck and he pressed me against the tile wall of the shower, my legs curling themselves up around his waist so I was completely off the ground. Shiro's hands gripped my thighs, but didn't move anywhere else.

We kissed like this for a long time. It was slow and steady, not pressing and needy. This was just what I'd needed.

_Warmth_.

Guilt poked at my chest, but for a new reason now. _I've just kissed my brother. I'm kissing my brother. _

He's the only one that understands me though.

I think I passed out after that.

* * *

I woke up cold and shaking, my hair rumpled and matted on one side of my head.

I stumbled blindly into the bathroom and splashed warm water on my face. Shadows were prominent underneath my eyes, but I just shut the light off before shuffling back to my room.

I jolted suddenly, palm pressed against the wood of my door. Shiro was standing at the end of the hall, a ghost completely silent in the darkness. He was still in his boxers and tank top, but the only thing out of the ordinary was the gun in his hand.

He followed my line of sight. "I found it in dad's room." He turned his head the other direction as if ashamed. "It was loaded."

"Why'd you take it?" I felt tears well up in my eyes. "You're going to scare Yuzu or Karin. Put it back."

"I thought about it for a long time," he said quietly, staring back at the firearm. "I wondered why he would have it on him, loaded. Isn't it a bit odd? Is he scared? Is he scared of you?"

"Shut up, Shiro," I was breathless, and ready to knock the gun out of his hand if he tried anything.

"I'm not going to try and kill you, Ichigo. I'm not going to shoot up the school, kill Karin or Yuzu. I'm not even going to kill myself. I'm stronger than that. I was just shocked that he had this on him."

"You should put it away, Shi. Just put the gun back."

_Things had finally started to feel normal. Now they were falling apart again. This move wasn't doing us any good, even as we tried to escape our past._

He nodded. "I've saved you a lot, haven't I? Is it time for you to save me now?"

"Put it away," I breathed. "Just put it away, Shiro."

He dropped it on the floor, and I jumped. The safety must've been on, or it wasn't loaded anymore. Shiro swayed unsteadily on his feet, and in about two seconds he was face down on the floor. I inched closer to him, kicking the gun down the hall a bit before taking him from underneath the shoulders to hold him up. His breath reeked of alcohol.

"You promised," I whispered. "You promised Shiro."

* * *

"Hey strawberry, where's that freaky brother of yours?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my desk. "At home."

Grimmjow quirked an eyebrow. "Doin' what?"

"Being sick," I spat. "What is it any of your business where my brother is?"

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I thought you two were like inseparable or somethin'."

_Why did he even care?_ Grimmjow wasn't insulting me for once, and the conversation felt a bit odd without it. His friends were nowhere in sight, and he was dressed in a pair of loose jeans, a gray shirt and a navy blue sweatshirt. The blunette was currently leaning on a desk beside mine as I pretended to write things in a notebook, pretending not to listen to him.

"Why do you care?"

"You're always together. Would think that you two wouldn't go anywhere without each other."

"That doesn't answer the question, _Grimmjow_."

"What? Yeah it does."

"No it doesn't. You don't care about me or my brother."

"Who says?"

"It's obvious, dipshit. You don't care about anyone other than yourself."

"That's a lie."

"Oh really?"

"Class! May I have your attention please?"

The two of us turned to the front of the room. A couple of the other groups were still screwing around, and she cleared her voice to get their attention. We were supposed to be working on our projects, this would be one of the only days in class that we would be able to work on it, so we'd have to get together after school. That was the part I was dreading.

"Sorry," Ms. Ise sighed. "But Ichigo, could you come up here? There's a message from the office."

I stood from my desk; my mind numb as I tried not to assume it was what I thought it was about. If anything, I'd probably start crying in front of the whole class, and then have to run from the room. _If _it was what I thought it was. Which, it most likely wasn't. There wasn't a huge chance for that to happen, right?

"Yes?"

"It has something to do with your brother, your dad is here to come pick you up. They gave me a pass for you," she handed me a slip of paper. "Tell Shiro I told him to get better soon." Her eyes were soft and kind, caring.

They were filled with sympathy I didn't want.

I calmly gathered my things and left without another word. When I made it to the office dad was standing there with his hands stuffed in his pockets. His eyes were hard, staring at me as I approached him. After the accident he had turned into another man. He wasn't goofy and silly and happy like he used to be; now he was just sullen and quiet, and us kids usually had to fend for ourselves most of the time. I missed him, the old dad I used to have.

"What happened?" I asked.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "We'll talk about it in the car."

The ride home was short, and only one phrase was spoken.

"I know you haven't been taking your medication."

I slung my bag over my shoulder and slammed the car door shut as I approached the house. I wasn't going to answer him, not this time. I knew he was just trying to get a rise out of me to see if he was right. I still didn't even have a clue why he'd brought me home.

I kicked the door open and dropped my bag on the couch. I was going to go check on Shiro and then go take a nap. I was dead tired.

"Who said you could leave?"

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "You never said I had to stay."

"You prescription's still full, Ichigo. I know you haven't been taking your meds. I even found a bottle of liquor stowed away underneath Shiro's bed."

"He found a loaded gun in your room."

We both went quiet.

"What's the real reason you brought me home, dad?" I whispered. "Tell the truth. I've told enough truth lately, and I feel like you should share what you're feeling. Isn't that always what mom wanted?"

"Don't pull that card, Ichigo!" Isshin shouted. "Don't pull her into this like you always do. You can't guilt me into it anymore."

"I can't guilt you into telling the truth?" I shouted right back. "How is that even _right?_" I started climbing the stairs. "You make me sick."

I bolted right for Shiro's room. The door flew open, and my heart flooded with relief. He was laying in his bed, out cold.

"What did you think I was going to do, Ichigo? Hurt him?"

"I was afraid he was going to hurt himself," I admitted. "Why is that such a crime?"

I pursed my lips, and then left for my own room. But he only followed, quiet and steady behind me the entire way.

"I found another razor blade stashed in your dresser."

"Oh, so now you're going through my things?" I turned around the face him. "Next thing I know you'll be locking me in my bedroom."

"I just want to help you Ichigo. If you're not taking your meds it's going to get worse."

"I don't want those stupid pills," I hissed. "I'm doing just fine, dad. The only reason Shiro's relapsed is because of me. It's always because of me. Because I make things worse."

"No you don't Ichigo—"

"YES I DO!"

And with that, I slammed the door in his face.

* * *

Reviews are like cookies. I love them a lot.


	5. Reset

I feel like this is moving really quickly. Is it? Maybe too quickly? I dunno. I got really stuck on this chapter, so please excuse if it's strange... Grimmjow's _really _OOC in this. Sorry 'bout that.

* * *

My footsteps echoed in the alley as they clapped heavily onto the pavement, a puddle sloshing underneath one of my footfalls.

Long walks always calmed me down. No matter how mad I got, a walk around town made everything just a little bit clearer. The sky was just starting to set, and I was wandering around the suburbs. Nice, clean, large houses all decorated in white with pristine lawns were laid out in this neighborhood. This was the closest it got to a gated community here in Rukongai. Nobody was outside though, and it was quiet except for me. A laugh bubbled in my throat at the thought of some rich person kicking me off their lawn for "disturbing the peace". With my luck they'd do it right now, even while I was just walking in the road. I don't like rich people. It's like they think they're better than all of us just because they have money and they can afford certain things that us middle and lower class can't. They're disgusting people.

But this is the neighborhood Tensa lives in.

Mom's side of the family always had a bit of money on them, enough to pay for the extras. Zan had money too, inherited usually just because of family. That's how they could afford to put Tensa in a private school, and how he got his own car for his sixteenth birthday. He never bragged though, and we seldom visited their house because we used to live an hour and a half away in Karakura Town. For a moment I almost contemplated dropping by, but that would probably give them some insight on what had happened earlier that day.

I paused in front of one of the bigger houses, lips pressed together in a firm straight line. The door swung open, and out came a tall brunette man, dressed in a suit. He was calling after someone in the house, and he came down the steps. The man paused when he saw me, standing there gawking from the street. I was trash to him, and he would most likely yell at me for standing there too long or for looking at his house.

"You're that new Ichigo Kurosaki kid, right?" he asked, voice as smooth as butter. "My nephew spoke of you."

"Your nephew?" I asked, eyes still wide in shock. I was dressed in a pair of ratty canvas shoes and loose jeans, a shirt and a white jacket with a fur collar and cuffs. Metal buttons lined the front.

"Yes, Grimmjow."

He must've seen the alarmed expression in my eyes, and chuckled. "He's a real brute, isn't he?"

I didn't say anything and decided to stare at the pavement. I nudged a pebble with my foot, expecting him to ask me to leave or something. There was always a catch.

"Would you like to come in, Ichigo?"

I lifted my head, orange bangs nearly covering my eyes entirely.

"You look hungry. Grimmjow's inside if you want to talk to him."

I was speechless. He was inviting me inside? Was he insane? He radiated power, and everything about him just made me want to crawl inside my closet and stay there forever. Honestly, no wonder Grimmjow was so pissed off all the time.

"Really, Ichigo. I insist."

Just to be polite, I nodded and followed him inside.

I had been to Tensa's house once or twice before, when Shiro and I were much younger. I just remember the house being _really _big. And let me tell you, this house was _really _big. Everything was white, with splashes of black or a pale blue here and there. It was modern and geometrical, and for some odd reason I longed to see what Grimmjow's room looked like. Was it messy, like a normal teenager's room? Or was it neat and pristine because the maids never let it get dirty enough to look like a teen's room? Odd questions like these floated through my head as the man lead me towards the kitchen.

"My name's Sosuke Aizen. But you can call me Sosuke." He gestured to the island. "Sit, the maid can get you something."

I sat down, feeling a bit odd and unwelcome in this pristine home.

"Grimmjow!" he called up the stairs. "One of your friends is here."

There was a muffled reply, and then Grimmjow emerged from his bedroom, taking the stairs two at a time to get down to the first floor. He was dressed in a loose fitting T-shirt and jeans, bare feet sticking out of the bottom of his pants. He scratched at the back of his head.

"What's he doing here?"

It didn't sound angry or full of contempt. It was a simple question spoken out of confusion.

"He was wandering around, looked tired and hungry so I invited him in." Sosuke had an odd smile on his face, as if he knew something that I didn't. Something that was between only him and Grimmjow. "I'll be upstairs in the study if you need me, Grimmjow."

He left without another word.

Grimmjow muttered something under his breath before opening the fridge, his back turned to me.

"Why are you being decent to me right now? Is it because your uncle's around?"

"No," he grumbled, shutting the door to the fridge again. "It's complicated."

"I've got time."

He tossed a glare at me, teeth clenched as he was ready to spit a retort back, but decided against it. Grimmjow sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I don't know. What are you waiting for me to do? Admit my feelings towards you and sweep you off your feet or something? Cause that's not going to happen."

"What? What makes you think that? I'm not gay or anything."

"You're about as gay as I am strong, strawberry," he spat. "Seriously. You got some incestuous relationship going on with your brother or something. I'm not blind you moron."

"You have no right to say something like that!" I shouted. "You don't know me."

"I know you," he shouted right back. "I know you enough to know what's going on between you two. You make me sick."

"Really?" I grabbed him by his shirt collar across the island. "_I'm _the sick one? You're the one who pushes people around and bullies people. You do it to make yourself feel good because otherwise you're just one big sick fuck, and you can't admit it to yourself."

His hand closed over mine. "You don't know what I've been through."

"Neither do you."

"Oh really? You wear your heart on your sleeve, Kurosaki. Or rather, you wear it on your _wrist_." The pad of his thumb traced the small, thin white scar at my pulse point. "I can read you like a book. You're predictable and easy, and it's one big sob story to tell the teachers just so you can get out of class."

"I almost died!" I smacked him across the face so hard it sent him staggering. "You don't know what happened. You don't know about that accident. You don't know how terrible it made me feel, so terrible that I felt like I had to end my own life. You wouldn't know, because you never knew your parents."

"You're right about that," he muttered, hand unconsciously rubbing at his reddening cheek. "I never knew my parents, and I never will. I guess I don't know what it would be like to ever lose one. But at least I'm strong. Stronger than you, because I can push through stupid things like that."

"Stupid," I shoved my face into my hands. "How stupid do you think an accident like that is? Really, tell me how stupid it is to lose a parent."

He went silent.

We sat there, bathed in the tension that radiated off our bodies.

"Why do you pick on me? Hurt me?"

Grimmjow leaned back against the fridge. "I don't know, actually. In my life I guess I always sort of felt out of control. Everyone else was dictating things, and making choices for me. By hurting other people, I feel like I have control. I make the choice, I make the decision to do what I want."

"Why can't you make a good choice instead?"

He shrugged. "There's always been too much good in my life. I got the most things, the most money, and the most friends. It's not as good as you'd expect."

We were quiet once more.

"Should we start over?" Grimmjow asked. "Maybe, be friends or something?"

This was strange coming from him.

I sighed. "Yeah. Sure."

Just then, the doorbell rang and we both jumped. No one moved, and then Grimmjow finally decided to go over and answer the door. I waited in the kitchen, mulling over our previous conversation. Things had taken a different turn than I'd expected, and all in all it was surprising Grimmjow even wanted to be my friend.

The door slammed shut and I jumped, eyes wide as Grimmjow came walking back into the kitchen, a scowl marring his features. There was the sound of someone shuffling around in the entryway, and then a man with silver hair and a foxy smile poked his head in.

"'M guessing Sosuke's in the study, right?"

Grimmjow grunted in response, and the mysterious man left with a strangely chipper wave.

"He's a business partner of my uncle's," Grimmjow said before I could even ask the question. "I don't like him much."

I could tell why.

"So now what?" I asked. "We're supposed to be friends or something?"

"I don't know," Grimmjow looked like he wanted to punch something, hopefully not me. "It's hard to explain. You're—I don't know."

"What?"

"You're a better person than me," he said quietly. "You're so much of a better person it makes me hurt inside. I hated you— actually I still do —for being so much more real. I'm just some stupid brute who can't relate with anyone unless it's over fighting, or violence, or just stupid teenage boy stuff. You've got orange hair, but how's that stopping you? You've got problems, but you push through. I can tell. You don't let anything get in your way."

"How is that any different than you?" I snorted. "You just plow through like there's nothing that can stop you."

"But I can't hold my ground like you. I don't really know myself," he scoffed. "Enough with this stupid heart to heart bullshit. Do you want to go do something?"

"So we are friends? I'm still confused."

Grimmjow just wandered into the living room, a silent invitation that I could take or leave. I accepted. I slid off the stool at the island and followed him into the other room, where there was a couch and a glass coffee table and a flat screen T.V. with video game controllers littered onto the white carpet.

The blunette was already seated on the sofa, naming off titles of videogames. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, taking a hesitant seat beside him. Grimmjow handed me a controller, I guess he'd decided on some shooter game.

_Friendship._ This was odd. Friends with Grimmjow? Why was he making an effort to be friends with me? I was so damn confused; I just took the controller and started playing the game.

Before I knew it we were laughing and pushing each other around, wrestling on the floor because I had beaten him twice.

* * *

"_Friends? _You're now _friends _with Grimmjow Jaegerjaques?"

I nibbled on the end of my sandwich, shrugging in response to Rukia's question. She had been completely flabbergasted when I'd told her, and Renji had just burst out laughing. We'd gotten a few stares from that…

"He _is _fairly good looking…" Yumichika commented, eyes drifting over to his pack of friends on the other side of the lunchroom.

Ikkaku whacked him on the back of the head for that one.

"Grimmjow? Isn't he some big bully? I wouldn't know, I don't hang around scumbags like them," Rangiku picked at her salad, looking completely bored. "Ack! This salad is disgusting. I hate school lunch, it makes me fat." Her eyes brightened up for a moment. "That reminds me! Me, you, and Momo need to go shopping this weekend!" Rangiku pestered Rukia as she poked her in the stomach.

The brunette just shoved the strawberry blonde away. "Is that all you think about? Shopping and clothes?"

"No! I need to get my hair and nails done too!"

Momo sighed. "His uncle is pretty good looking. No offense, Toshiro, but he really is."

The white haired runt rolled his eyes.

"Where the hell is Shuuhei?" Renji flipped through text messages on his phone. "He said he was going to sit with us today."

"Whiny," Rukia huffed under her breath. "Anyways, so how did you come across 'being friends' with Grimmjow? Did he just walk up to you or something and say 'hey, let's be friends.'"

"Of course not," I said. "It's a long story. I'll tell you after school."

Rangiku gasped. "What, are you two dating or something?" the blonde was always up for juicy gossip.

"NO!" we both shouted at the same time.

I finished my sandwich. "We're just going to be studying together for the test tomorrow."

"Oooh," Rangiku winked. "Right."

Next thing they'd be saying was that I was dating Grimmjow.

_Yeah, _I thought. _Right_.

* * *

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